a cocktail recipe for real life: insect-infused wine.

A gnat landed in my wine this evening.
I pulled the drunken bug out of the red liquid, squished him between my thumb and index finger, wiped his guts on my pants, and went right back to sipping.
I feel this is a pretty accurate representation of life right now.
It’s not ideal but, amidst the chaos of the buzzing, I am determined to still drink the wine, to not let any good thing go to waste.

Right now I’m listening to jazz, have been reading a great book from the library, drinking insect-infused wine (give it five years..it will be all the rage) and now.. am writing this. I’m also sitting opposite Zion as he is passed out snoring on the couch, sleeping off the effects of what may have been another minor seizure. For awhile this summer, these came every two weeks, then every three days. As a result of never knowing exactly when the next one would hit, or when we would have to take another emergency trip to the children’s hospital, this summer was really hard. I finally admitted that to a friend this weekend and then had to excuse myself to go cry for a few minutes.

We’ve had about a month now where things have gotten better. The anti-epileptic meds he is on seem to be working and we’ve even had a couple date nights where we didn’t have to come home for an emergency, and a trip to NYC this past weekend for a wedding. The past couple of nights, however, Zion’s been showing some signs in the night that might be another type of seizure beginning to take hold on top of the ones he’s being treated for. It’s scary, it’s disruptive, and we didn’t get much quality sleep last night as a result.

Jeremy and I are rarely in the same hole at the same time, but this morning we were. Instead of one of us trying to be the “strong one” or him taking his usual optimism spin, we just sat in that hole together and talked about it. We were honest about how sometimes we feel sorry for ourselves. We commiserated how, in most marriages with healthy kids, their bedtime means you unwind and the night is all yours. Last night, we finally find let down our emotional guards and felt a bit normal, only to find Zion may be having another seizure, or cluster of them.

This is why a gnat in the wine just has to be dealt with like the little mofo he is, and I have to go on enjoying the glass in front of me.
There won’t be much because there’s a chance we will be in the car any minute now, rushing to the emergency room. That’s just what this season of life looks like. It can all change in a flash.

For now, jazz,
two pre-teen kids quietly reading in the rooms near me,
a husband in the kitchen making soup for dinner, God bless him,
and Zion.. five feet across the room, snoring away while his little body twitches every once in awhile.

(and a quick side note: In moments like these I think, “Thank God we’re not on social media anymore. how would one go about sharing such a complicated picture within such small and confining parameters?”)

show hide 5 comments

ash parsons Thanks, Candace!
I’ve been reading some results of similar studies and doing my homework on the cannabis oil treatments for seizures. it’s definitely something I am keeping on my radar and have talked to the neurologists here about. Thanks for the comment!October 21, 2016 – 11:36 am

Candace I recently read wonderful results from medical marijuana on seizures for kids. I don’t know if you are opposed to it, or if it applies to his specific kind of seizures, but perhaps it’s worth a read.September 26, 2016 – 3:06 pm

Kristin Moore You are such a blessing, Ash. Even amidst pain and struggle. Thank you for being who you are. Damn gnats. Definitely have to continue to drink that delicious glass of wine. Love you guys and praying for you.September 14, 2016 – 10:05 am

ash parsons Nell, you cracked me freaking up!
thank you for this.
ashSeptember 14, 2016 – 10:23 am

Nell Insect fused wine is definitely the rage. The flies are become too common now. Last week I had AB blood group mosquito infused with merlot. Divine!September 14, 2016 – 3:33 am

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